Monday Morning

2004-06-28T08:50:00.000-07:00

I can't remember the last time I've enjoyed a Monday like this. I am rarely this chipper on any give morning, Monday's are certainly no exception. And although I made a lot of headway in my Sunday "class" which is a lot like therapy I think I have to give my props to Michael Moore.

At this point everyone is talking about this movie ~ and that is what is giving me that pep in my step. Forget about caffeine, I feel like people are AWAKE. And thinking and questioning.

Thank freakin' god/allah/chaka-khan.

Of course I made the mistake of letting my glow flare a little too brightly for the Hall of Gidgets & Greed that I work in. A fellow co-worker noted my high-wattage and asked me about my weekend and I made the error of not editing my answer.

CW: How come you are so happy? Did you have a good weekend?
M: Yeah I saw Fahrenheit 9/11 and man that was a powerful movie!
CW: .....

And of course upon making the mistake YET AGAIN (will I ever learn?) of bringing up politics in the workplace - Huge no-no, I know. Nevermind that this exact same co-worker plastered my cube in Re-elect Bush/Cheney in '04 posters in a bit of friendly politicking...but see THAT is funny. Having a conversation about Fahrenheit, ummm not so much.
Definitely not so much when you are the lower income admin who just happens to be female.

I liked the movie. And yeah I want to see it again so I can analyze it.
It's just been so long since I felt someone was voicing a viewpoint that is within 100 miles of my thoughts of how the world should be, and that is better than a big bottle of Prozac.

Dipping the Toe

2004-06-26T15:20:00.000-07:00

After months of wandering the halls of venerable blog sites I've finally decided to stop reading from the sidelines and start making a little space for me & my thoughts. Perhaps it will help me actually get some work done, since I've been taking up more and more of my work day to check into the daily updates of other's sites. I think mostly I need to have a place where I can just honestly throw my stuff out into the universe without fear of judgment.

A place to bitch. Nice.

Since I'm here I may as well start with something that seems to be affecting me all over. I finally made a decision a little under a month ago to make a move. Not just 20 minutes away from my parents house to just another little ho-hum suburb filled with annoyingly content and settled people, but to New York City. Sounds too cliched (I know there's an accent needed on that word but I can't figure it out right now)? Tough shit. Wasn't there someone who said that under every cliche there must be truth? If not, I am. It's a decision that I have sat on for over 10 years. Many reasons, the common denominator among them being fear, have kept me here. I find it incredibly interesting how comfortable dissatisfaction can be.

That choice is basically rocking my world. I knew that I was signing myself up for change, but I was not prepared for...all of this. This being seeing more of myself - including the parts that I would like to believe don't exist - and how I relate to the world. I don't have my routine to hide behind. My God,I haven't even packed yet. Probably a sign that, indeed, this is long overdue.

I am so scared. Not so frightened that I can't communicate about it. That is definitely progress. But I don't think I have ever felt so alone in my life. A feeling that in the past has caused me to do some CRAZY things just to avoid that hollowing, steely ache in the soft squishy parts of my body & soul. But I just can't justify turning a blind eye to that feeling. And I can't be ok with the toll it was taking on my body to constantly run away from it either. So I'll face it and see what happens.

moxielady

Monday Morning

Dipping the Toe